"STARR I ARE -- a newly discovered tale of Dr. Seuss"
I'm here to ask
As you'll soon see --
Did you grope
Miss Lewinsky?

Did you grope her
In your house?
Did you grope
Beneath her blouse?

I did not do that
Here or there--
I did not do that
Anywhere!

I did not do that
Near or far --
I did not do that
Starr-You-Are.

Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek
Beneath her skirt?

And did you tell
the girl to lie
When called upon
To testify?

I do not like you
Starr-You-Are --
I think that you
Have gone too far.

I will not answer
Any more --
Perhaps I will go
Start a war!

The public's easy
To distract --
When bombs are
Falling on Iraq!


There were 5 presidents on the Titanic--Carter, Reagan, Bush,
Nixon and Clinton. As the Titanic hit the iceberg...Bush
exclaimed, "We hit an Iceberg" Reagan queried, "We hit what?"
Carter declared, "Save the women and children!" Nixon said,
"Screw the women!" Clinton asked, "Do we have time?"

Have you ever heard of a President being BLOWN out of office?

A friend of Ms. Lewinsky asked her how her new boy friend
compared to President Clinton. She replied, "Close, but no
cigar."


Q.) What is the difference between greeting the Queen and
greeting the President of the United States?
A.) You only have to get on one knee to greet the Queen.


Q: What does Ted Kennedy have that President Clinton wishes
he had?
A: A dead girlfriend.....


Q: How do you satisfy Clinton's sexual appetite?
A: It takes a village


If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with
Clinton doing the same?


They called off the investigation of President Clinton due to a
lack of evidence.
Turns out he didn't tell her to lie, he told her to kneel.


Q: What does Bill Clinton have in common with his dick?
A: Both were once pointed sharply towards the left but are now,
inexplicably, aimed directly at the center.


Only Clinton can take our mind off a sex scandal withanother
sex scandal


Overheard in the White House; Yassar Arafat to Clinton-"Billy,
try Goats, they don't talk"


Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after Great sex.
A: Honey I'll be home in 15 minutes. (Old I know, but seemed
appropriate again)


Nixon was the crooked President who followed Johnson.
Clinton is the sitting President with a crooked Johnson. (this
refers to the bend in his penis which was remarked by Paula
Jones.)


It seems the biggest new game to play in Washington DC is
swallow the leader.


How ironic... this is the second time in history a "Deep Throat"
has been at the center of a presidental controversy.


Q: What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
A: "Sat on the Presidential Staff"


Q: What's the new press name for the latest Presidential
scandal?
A: Fornigate.


Most people afraid of getting AIDS from sex. Clinton is afraid of
getting sex from Aides.


Q: What were Clinton's fist words to Paula Jones at the
deposition?
A: "So now you open your mouth!"


Q: Do you know why Clinton doesn`t play his saxophone
anymore ?
A: Cause he is playing with his horeMonika.


Q: Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?
A: He couldn't give her a pink slip without asking her to try it
on first.


Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.


Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.


Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White
House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a
ride.


President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to
see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?"
exclaims the President. "It's this Abortion Bill, Mr. President,
what do you want to do about it?" the aide replies. "Just go
ahead and pay it," responds the President.


Q: When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
A: When she didn't swallow everything he presented.


Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.


Q: Did you hear Clinton doesn't use bookmarks?
A: He just bends over the pages!


Q: Why does Bill drink so much coffee?
A: He is required to "stay up" for many hours to satisfy the
needs of his staff.


Q: How did Bill reply regarding questions of "coaching"
Monica's testimony?
A: "It wasn't words that I put in her mouth."


Q: What do Bill and Ross Perot have in common?
A: They both heard a giant sucking sound!


Q: What's the headline on the Washington Post read?
A: Bush finally defeats Clinton.


President Clinton said to Monica, "I didn't tell you to lie in the
deposition . . .
I told you to lie in THAT POSITION!"


Bill Clinton's favorite pick-up line...
"I'd love to meat you in the Oval Office."


Q: Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
A: To keep his ankles warm.


Q: Why did Monica always drink with a straw while she was an
intern?
A: Practice


In a surprise interview, Monica was asked about the details of
her late night meetings with the President..."I can't remember
the details, she said, but I know the answer is on the tip of my
tongue!"


Q: What does Hillary Clinton do right after she shaves her
pussy?
A: She sends him to work.


Q: What is Clinton's favorite card game?
A: Poker


Q: What's Bill Clinton's favorite brand of potato chips?
A: Lays.


Q: Why did Clinton recommend Lewinsky for a job at revlon?
A: He knew she would be good at making things up.


Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them
tonight's specials are chicken almondine and fresh fish. "The
chicken sounds good; I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter
nods. "And, the vegetable?" he asks. "Oh, he'll have the fish,"
Hillary replies.

Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White
House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a
ride.


Q: What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A: A girl that can run faster than the Governor.


Did you hear that Clinton has decided to change his military
rank from Commander in Chief to Semen First Class?


Q: What's the difference between Nixon and Lewinski?
A: One shredded the incriminating evidence, the other hadn
not a shred of incriminating evidence


Q: How do you know Bill Clinton is done having sex?
A: When you have to wipe the "White-Water" off your blouse.....


After the State of the Union address on Tuesday, President
Clinton was asked about Rwanda.
"I never slept with her," he replied.


Q: How did Ms. Lewinsky initially feel about her job in the
White House?
A:She liked it going in.


Bill's favorite song is: "Yank My Doodle, It's a Dandy"!


Q: What would Congress have to do to avoid any more
Presidential sex scandals along withsolving the Iraqi problems?
A: Cut off the Presidential war "head" and drop it on Baghdad....


Q: What's the latest method Clinton's using to control his
weight?
A: Lie-pole-suction


Q: Did you hear Hillary's writing a new book?
A: It's called 'It Takes A Village 2' (keep an eye on my husband!)


Q: What is Monica doing now that she can't see Willie?
A: Chewing Dickorette gum.


Hey did you hear that the president's plane got stuck in mud?
The stewardess fell right off his lap.


Q: How is Bill Clinton like a computer?
A: He has good hard drive and ram but a problem with memory.


The IRS wants to audit Monica Lewinsky to see if she's claimed
the money she saved by eating at Bill's.


Bill and Monica were made for each other. Monica has a
crooked mouth.


Q: What's the difference between Vince Foster, Ron Brown, and
Monica Lewinsky?
A: Monica is the only one who took a shot in the head from Bill
and lived to tell about it.


What does being an intern at the Whitehouse prepare one to
do? A recent survey showed that 16% of former interns
qualified as carpenters for making Bill's banana stand, 28%
became kneepad salesmen, and 58% became head tasters at
factorys making strong cheese.


The President is very excited about his new educational
program for Americas children. He plans to teach sex education
himself and believes he can solve the problem of enough meat
in the school lunch program at the same time.


c A couple of Bill Clinton buddies were talking about what a
sweet smile Monica has. Bill replied, "Yes. She has the whitest
teeth that I have ever come across."


What were some of the things listed on Monica's job
description? Worked in various positions under a high
government official ... become familiar with White House
(ceilings).


After her White House job , what could Monica add to her
resume?
2 years on the Presidntial staff


Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Paula Jones?
A: I told you to lick my erection! Not wreck my election!


Q: What do the Green Bay Packers and Monica Lewinsky have in
common?
A: They both blew the big one.


Q: Did you know that Monica isn't 100% Jewish?
A: She has a little bit of hillbilly in her.


What was Monica's official statement about the whole sex
scandal?
"It really left a bad taste in my mouth.


Q: What does Chelsea Clinton call the sexual allegations against
her father?
A: POPPYCOCK!


President Clinton was in the elevator one day and one of his
interns got in the elevator also. He said to the young lady,
“Would you like to see the presidental clock?” The lady replied,
“Sure.” So President Clinton unzipped his fly and pulled out his
dick. The lady screamed, “That’s not the presidental clock!” To
which Clinton replied, “With a face and two hands it will be!”


Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly checkup. When she was
finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said
he was pleased and that she is in great shape but that she was
pregnant! She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that
she most definitely was a month pregnant. Well, she stormed
out of the office and went to the receptionist and took the
phone and called the White house. When the operator answered
she said that it was Hillary and that she wanted to talk to Bill
right away. Well, they rang the oval office and Bill answered.
Hillary said, "Do you know what you did you rotten bastard?
You got me pregnant!" The president remained silent. Again,
Hillary screamed, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU
ROTTEN BASTARD? YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!" Bill finally
answered, "Who is this?"


What does Bill said to Hillary after sex?
I'll be back home for 15 mins!


They took a pole of 100 women in Washington D.C. and they
asked them the question, "Would you every sleep with the
president?"
95 of those women said, "Never again!"


How is Bill Clinton different from the Titanic?
Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.


What is the new nickname for the oval office?
The "oral office"


There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
on this flute made of beef
that stole the front page from Kaczynski.


Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.


I keep hearing people from Clinton's inner circle talk on radio
and television saying that they are behind President Clinton
100%. Good idea, since it's obviously not safe to stand in front
of him.


Doesn't Clinton realize that a coverup always gets you in more
trouble than whatever you did in the first place? He should
have just opened up, come clean, and taken his licks. Oops, I
guess maybe he's already done that.