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BLONDE

YO MOMMA

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BATTLE OF THE SEXES

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BILL CLINTON JOKES

Blonde Jokes

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing in Seattle. She'd seen many
books on the subject and finally, after getting all the necessary
"tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After
positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut
in the ice. Suddenly, from above, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE
NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." Startled, the blonde moved further
down the ice, poured a Thermos of coffee and began to cut
another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE" The blonde, now quite
worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her
stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once
more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE" She stopped,
looked skyward and said, "Is that you Lord?" The voice
replied,"No ... this is the Ice-Rink Manager".


What do you call a blonde bird?
A swallow.


How is a blonde and a turtle alike?
Once they're on their backs they're both screwed.


How is a blonde like the "Bermuda Triangle?"
They've both swallowed a lot of seamen.


How are a blonde and a screen door alike?
The more you bang them the looser they get.


After hours and hours of exhausting sex with a blonde, a man
walks into his kitchen to get a drink. He fills his glass up with
milk, when he looks down and realizes his dick is still really hot,
so he sticks his dick in the glass of milk to cool it down. Just as
he does the blonde walks in and says, "I always wondered how
you refilled those things!"


What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car doors.


What's the first thing a blonde does when she leaves her
house?
Turns on the lights.


Why do blondes have TGIF stamped on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.


What's a blonde's favorite fairy tale?
"Hump-me Dump-me."


What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball.


A blonde goes into a world-wide message center to send a
message to her mother. When the man tells her it will be $300
she exclaims, "I don't have any money...but I would do
ANYTHING to get a message to my mother!" To that the man
asks, "Anything?" And the blonde says, "Yes...anything!" With
that the man says, "Follow me." He walks her into the next room
and tells her, "Come in and close the door." She does. He then
says, "Get on you knees." She does. He then says, "Take down
my zipper." She does. He then says, "Go ahead...take it out."
With that she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands.
The man then says, "Well, go ahead!" She brings her mouth
closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says,
"Hello...mom?"


What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents
occured around the home?
She moved.


How can you tell when a blonde has been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen and lipstick on the joystick.


What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.


How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?
She has a tampon behind her ear and can't remember where she
put her pencil.


How does a blonde turn the lights on after sex?
Opens the car door.


Why did the blonde have a bruised belly-button?
Her blonde boyfriend stuck it in the wrong hole.


Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side


What does a blonde put behind her ears to attract men?
Her legs.


This blonde gets pulled over by a cop. The cop comes up to the
window and says, "Can I see your driver's license?" "Well, what's
that?" asks the blonde. "It's something saying you can drive,"
says the cop. "Oh! I have one of those," she says. The cop takes
it back and checks it out, comes back and says, "Do you have
proof of insurance?" "Well, what's that?" asks the blonde. "It's
proof that you own the car and are insured," replies the cop."
"Oh! I have one of those too," says the blonde. She hand him
the insurance and the cop walks back to the car and checks it
out. On his way back he thinks to himself, wow, this blonde is
real dumb. I can get her to do anything. When he got back to
her car he pulled down his zipper and whipped out his dick. The
blonde says, "Is this another breathlyzer test?"


How are a blonde and a 747 alike?
They both have big cockpits.


What does a blonde do when she finishes sucking cock?
Spits out the feathers.


How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
You lick 'em, stick 'em, and send 'em on their way.


How is a blonde different from the Titantic?
Only 1500 went down on the Titantic.


Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.


In American football what do they call two brunettes and a
blonde?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.


What does a blonde say after sex?
"Are you guys all on the same team?"


What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on the top of her
head?
All you can eat for under a buck.


What important question does a blonde ask her partner before
sex?
"Do you want this by the hour or the flat rate?"


Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.


How is a blonde like a door knob?
Everybody gets a turn.


Why are there lipstick stains on the steering wheel when a
blonde gets done driving?
She blows the horn.


How are a blonde and railroad tracks alike?
They've both been laid all over the country.


If a blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, which one
would hit first?
The brunette...the blonde would stop and ask for directions.


Did you hear about the blonde who was so depressed after bad
sex she through herself to the floor?
She missed.


If you put a dollar bill in the middle of a round room, with Santa
on one side and a smart blonde on the other side, which one
would get there first?
Neither...they don't exist.


What's the difference between a blonde and her boyfriend?
The blonde has a higher sperm count.


What does a blonde do when you tell her to look at the dead
bird?
Look up.


Why do blondes drive BMW's?
Because they can't spell Porsche.


What did the blonde's mom say to the blonde?
If you're not in bed by 10, come home.


Q.How do you confuse a blond?
A.You don't, they're born that way.


Q. Why was the dumb blonde staring at a carton of orange
juice?
A. because it said concentrate.


One day a blonde was sitting out in a rowboat in the middle of
a cornfield. Another blonde drove by ans stopped. She hollered
to to the blonde in the rowboat " You're the reason we blondes
have a bad name. If I knew how to swim I'd go out there and hit
you"


Q. Why did the blonde cross the road?
A. I don't know (neither did she)


A blonde bombshell walks into the airplanes and sits in 1st
Class and the stewardess asks her for her ticket...The stewardess
tells her that she only has a coach ticket. The blonde says, "Im a
cute lookng blonde and i'm flying first class." The stewardess
replys that she only has a coach seat to Atlanta....the blonds
then retorts, "I'm a cute blonde and i'm flying first class". Just
then the captian happened by and asked what was
happening....the blonde tells him, "I'm a cute blonde and I'm
flying first class....The captian whipers in her ear...and the
blonde gets up and jumps into a seat in the coach cabin...The
stewardess asks the captain what he said to get her to move so
fast.. He replied, "I told her that 1st class is not going to
atlanta.