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MOMMY MOMMY

BLONDE

YO MOMMA

FART JOKES

GAY JOKES

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

MISCELLANEOUS

BILL CLINTON JOKES

Womens turn

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.

" Hi, is Tony home?"

" No, he went to the store."

"Well, you mind if I wait?"

" No, come in."

They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever
seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."

Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens
her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.

They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of
them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together."

Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long
look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't
wait any longer and leaves.

A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know, your weird friend Chris came
over. "

Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes
me?"

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynaecologist. The doctor
takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing
of the past. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed
he begins to stroke her thigh.

As he does he says to the woman: "Do you know what I`m doing ?"

"Yes," she says, "you`re checking for any abrasions or dermatological
abnormalities." "Correct," says thedoctor.

He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I`m
doing now",he says. "Yes," says the woman, "you`re checking for any
lumps or breastcancer."

"That`s right," replies the doctor. He then gradually proceeds to having
sexual intercourse with her. "Do you know," he pants "what I`m doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You`re getting herpes."

A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing.

Medical research would be spent on developing new birth control methods for men.

Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.

Baby-sitting, doing dishes and making beds would be considered "Macho".

The hem of men's pants would go up or down depending on the economy.

Minnie Mouse would get equal billing with Mickey.

Fewer women would be dating because the ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.

Overweight men would be encouraged to wear girdles.

PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.

Men would come with papers showing their true identity, marital and employment status, if they live with
their mother, and whether they have had their shots.

Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.

Men would get reputations for sleeping around.

"Ms. Magazine" would have a annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.

Men who designed women's shoes would be forced to wear them.

Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.

Men would be as attentive AFTER marriage as they were before.

Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.

Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks".

Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women make.

Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.

Men would HAVE to get playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.

Men would learn phrases like: I'm sorry, I love you. You're beautiful. Of course you don't look fat in that
outfit, Go to sleep - I'll take care of the baby, etc.

Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.

Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.

All toilet seats would be nailed down.

Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.

TV news segments on sports would never run longer than one minute.

All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator.

Men would have their wedding rings permanently attached so they can't pretend to be single.

During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19 year old boys.

Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.

After a baby is born, men would take a six week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot.

For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two year old for six weeks.

A female employee would be noticed for her work performance, not herself.

Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.

A fireman comes home from work and is all excited. He just can't wait to tell his wife the good news about a
new system that they have down at the station.

"Honey!" he says, "you're not going to believe this! Down at the station we have this new system and it's so
great. When Bell #1 goes off we put on all our gear. When Bell #2 goes off we slide down the pole and
jump in the fire truck. When Bell #3 goes off we speed to the fire in the fire truck," he excitedly tells his
wife.

Triumphantly he says, "We're going to do the same thing for our sex life! When Bell #1 goes off we are
going to strip naked. When Bell #2 goes off we will jump into bed. When Bell #3 goes off we will screw our
brains out.

Let's give a test run. OK, ready?

Bell #1!" (they strip naked)

"Bell #2!" (they hop into bed)

"Bell #3!" (they start screwing their brains out).

A couple of minutes later the wife starts screaming, "Oh, Bell #4! Bell #4!"

The husband confused says, "Bell #4? What's that?"

The wife screams, "More hose! More hose! Your not reaching the fire!!!"